Rescue of the Person at Sea by Helicopter

The Emasculation of Men

There’s an epidemic going on amongst men. It’s a sickness, a deterioration of our masculinity, a destruction of our drive. The Emasculation of Men is real. It’s causes are debated, as are it’s characteristics. To avoid going down this road in our own lives, we need to recognize it in ourselves, in those around us, and have the courage to put a stop to it.

As we look back at our end of days, we’re going to see forks in the road. Sometimes we take the right path, partially because it’s easily recognized, other times we may take the wrong one, possibly because it’s the easier, lazier route. Today we’ll look at the causes of this mass emasculation, in order to find its cure.

A while back I went through a physical transformation. For me, that transformation was simply the alignment of my spirit – who I was internally – to my physical appearance. I felt awesome, ambitious, and strong internally, but scrawny and weak aesthetically. Packing on 40 pounds of muscle to my scrawny frame helped bridge that gap.

After that transformation I started this site to help guys bring their own gaps. To be Legendary. To be awesome. To sift through the slough of bullshit advice, and get to what works. As I’ve been blessed to help more and more accomplish this physical transformation, I’ve seen it’s true benefit.. As we grow stronger physically, we walk a little taller, with our head’s held higher. We give in to our ambitions, find focus and drive, and find more courage to face our fears. This physical transformation isn’t the final step; rather, it’s the spark that ignites a greater evolution towards becoming a better man. It’s the first domino we knock down on our way to becoming a better man in every sense.

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Just as my physical transformation helped me stand taller, to act on my ambition, and to face my fears, my first real relationship showed me that I needed to be more assertive – and so my evolution continued…

I learned that I needed to take charge, even in areas I didn’t care all that much about – like choosing where we ate, or what wine we drank; the little things. Where I once confused masculinity with mere chivalry, I saw it in a deeper sense, and from the perspective of a woman.

With that relationship in my rearview long ago, my evolution still continues. Through reading and study, through starting my own business and growing it daily, through facing fears and pushing myself in new ways, I’ve grown more assertive, and in to a much stronger man – and I don’t mean physically. But my evolution is still in its infancy. Now, as I look back, had I not created that physical transformation, or gone through that first, eye-opening relationship, or started my own business and taken that risk, I may be on the wrong end of this article.

I’m lucky enough to have parents who raised me right, to be strong, to face my fears, and to have grit. I’m fortunate enough to have people in my life that steered me in the right direction, and to have deciphered the right path from the wrong one on my own, then have the courage to take that right path even though it may have been the harder, less popular road to take (most of the time). I can see in my own life the influences that could have led to my emasculation, and the ones that launched me in the opposite direction.

The Emasculation of Men

In every conversation I’ve had with women about what they want in a man, they always mention assertiveness. They want a man to take charge. They rarely say it, but they also want a man they can be proud of, one they can brag about to their lady friends. They want a man they feel safe with, and a man they admire. The common complaint amongst women is that this man is fleeting, non-existant, and a relic of the past.

Figuring out what women want in a man isn’t necessarily identifying what it means to be a man, but it helps; for the opposite of the masculine is the feminine. Like the yin and the yang, both forces need the other to coexist. What women of today long for, is a true masculine essence, an essence that is disappearing and unclear. It’s lines are being blurred. It’s disappearance, leaving women to have to pick up some of the slack and to fill the gap in their relationships.ernest hemingway boxing, brog

When we think about the masculine, or the alpha male, we think about the lion, the leader of the pride. The essence of a man, a real man, however, goes much deeper than mere social alpha-ism. The masculine essence is ambition, assertiveness, action, strength, and fortitude. It’s logical. The emotional nature of the feminine craves this. We’re different, which is why we confuse one another so damn much, but we’re opposing forces in a magnetic sense – we attract one another as such – which is exactly why we can learn a lot about what it means to be a man from looking at it as the opposing force to the feminine essence.

This masculine essence is in decline. Men of today are much less assertive, and far less ambitious than they once were. We’re lazier. Weaker. We see this weakness in the mass exodus of men leaving their families, bucking their responsibilities, and opting for the easier, more selfish route. We see it in middle-aged men whose realities are so intertwined with their online personality, that they have no life outside of the internet. They are their persona in War Craft or Call of Duty. Their actions are in a make believe world, leaving their activity in the real world almost non-existant.

Continue Reading on Page 2>>>

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  • Nate

    This is extremely well written (as always) and drives a huge point home that I myself have observed all over the place. It’s almost scary how men have lost their true nature, and with it, their honor. The definition of ‘being a man’ has been convoluted and swamped with conflicting information that it almost is no surprise anymore that males as a whole have essentially shriveled up. Damn glad you brought this to light.

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      Thanks pal – and well said.
      Being a man isn’t a “thing you do”, it’s who you are. A lot of people complain that we’re trying to define the undefinable. How can our young men become real men if it isn’t defined?
      I think it’s important to have this definition, then work towards it, because it’s clearly lacking in today’s society.

  • Nate

    Great article Chad, hit the nail on the head on several points. Quick question for you: the character of Ryan Gosling in Crazy Stupid Love more or less teaches Steve Carell to be a man by virtue of working out, buying nice clothes, being more confident and banging lots of girls. It seems like a lot of guys (and girls) out there see him as the ideal male to strive be like (or women to be with). Would you agree, or is he a product of the effeminate male syndrome?

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      I loved that movie. One of the things it showed was the Carell’s character had lost his identity and his masculine essence in his own marriage. As a result, his wife resented him for that.

      Gosling helped him get his pride back. He helped him get some confidence and assertiveness – both masculine qualities, and important for men to have. But Gosling’s character had his own demons. He had his own voids that needed to be filled, and when he met the right girl, he saw what a waist all of that girl chasing was. He saw how empty and meaningless it was.

      We can have confidence, swagger, and pride, while being assertive men, and being GOOD PEOPLE who have values, morals, and understand that life’s more than merely chasing tail. We can also be family men without being lap dogs.

      That movie started out with a whipped, beaten man in Carell’s character, who was transformed back in to a man, but moved away from his core values in the process. At the end of the movie he got back with his wife, they regained their spark, he maintained his masculinity.

      Bit of a rant there, but that’s a great movie. It shows how looks and getting girls isn’t everything, but also how we can’t be lazy and weak in our marriages, it just doesn’t cut it, and it doesn’t lead to a happy life.

  • Pedro

    Yeah, a truly amazing article. I have and will read it multiple times, because it’s just too good.

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      Thanks pal – and thanks for the comment, great to see you on here.

  • http://www.facebook.com/sara.donahue.50 Sara Donahue

    Powerful article, you discuss so many things that are creating serious problems in today’s society, for men and women. I really like how you emphasize how men and women are different, but complement each other, and that the strong woman is not the cause for the weak man.
    One piece of constructive criticism only. Why not get a proofreader to look over your text before you publish it next time? What you say is fascinating and important, and I do not want to detract from your content with what many will call “petty” considerations, but the article is riddled with grammatical and punctuation errors. It would be even more powerful if it were cleaned up. (Sorry, but I’m an English teacher, it’s a professional defect to notice these things!)

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      I definitely need to get that done. I’ll have a look this week for editors. Thanks Sara.

  • http://www.acalltoaction.net/ Trevor Wilson

    Wow. Just fucking wow. Epic post my friend. You’ve taken it to a whole ‘nuther level. I feel like I should be writing some passionate fiery shit to accompany your post, but honestly, I have nothing worth adding. You said it all and then some. And you said it well.

    Plain. Fucking. Awesome.

    Cheers!

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      Thanks a lot man, I really appreciate it. And for shite’s sake, thanks for always commenting on here man, it’s awesome to see.

  • Kelvano

    Well said, Chad; everything you wrote is a reflection of humanity denying the reality of life for the fantasy of what we (men and women) want life to be; and as a result we become discouraged when “life” turns out worse than what it was. We’ll be better off when we realize that life is much better when we stop tampering with what works.Thanks again for saying what needed to be said.

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      Thanks a lot man.

  • http://ldssofhandbook.blogspot.com/ Mr. T

    Chad, awesome article! I’ve felt similar misgivings about modern society. It seems as if the universe is conspiring to destroy all that is masculine and with it the powerful (male) force that drives innovation and productivity. All guys today just want to lay about, play video games and waste their lives. We actively seek mediocrity and rejoice in our lack of accomplishment. Indeed, we are told by all messages around us that EASE is the ultimate achievement for men.

    Even the words we use have been altered in their meanings to become more feminine. Consider the word “VIRTUE”. This word today is most commonly applied to women who seek a level of ‘moral rectitude’ in their lives. But if you really look at the etymology of the word, VIR is Latin for MAN and to be VIRTUS describes the manliest of men, the powerful warrior, the honest and upright politician, the man who sacrifices personal fame to assist others. A man who possess VIRTUE is akin to royalty in Roman thinking.

    But how many VIRTUS men are around today? We have become so generally emasculated that we have become the weaker sex…and we don’t seem to have a problem with that.

    Many even see it as the result of evolution. They proclaim the ‘meterosexual’ as the man of the future and the rest of us are simply relics of the past.

    Well, give me the past…I’d rather be like my Dad and my Grandfather than most of the men I meet today.

    Again, great thoughts Chad. I have to read it again.

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      Very interesting man, I didn’t know about the root of the word virtue, thanks for that. And that may be a future article, I’ll just have to get some reading done on that.

      Great points, thanks for the comment. Very insightful.

  • Katie Elifson

    Very interesting article with several good points! However, I would definitely take issue with your premise that men and women are radically opposite by nature. Socrates (in Plato’s Republic) made the radical argument (for ancient Athens) that men and women did not differ by nature in any way. He noted that some women excel in rational argumentation, are “spirited” (i.e. courageous), and exhibit self-control. On the other hand, many men are not virtuous in any of those categories. Socrates concluded that men and women only differ in their reproductive capacities, and not in their capacity for excellence (arete). People are clearly distinct individuals who differ greatly in every aspect. (I would add as a side note that the inspiration for Socrates’ line of reasoning was his deep admiration for Spartan culture, where women trained in athletics and studied philosophy.)
    To categorize men as “rational” and women as “emotional” is simply asinine and without rational basis. Furthermore, it is dehumanizing, because reason is the foundation of our humanity and our capability for living honorably. The same could be said for your claim that ambition and drive are somehow exclusively male qualities. Have you never seen an elite female athlete or a dedicated female scientist? Similarly, there are countless female Marines and soldiers around the world busting their asses to protect their country and enduring more pain and inconvenience than the vast majority of men. Are they behaving “unnaturally,” or are they exhibiting their innate capacity for courage and honor which far exceeds most?
    As a woman, it is simply incorrect that I would want a man to lead me in my daily affairs (by the same token, he can do what he wants). Women today enjoy the opportunity of education and athletics-why in heaven’s name would we need someone else to tell us how to live our lives? Do we not have reason and a will of our own? How can one claim to have respect for women and yet insinuate that they are slavish, devoid of reason, and lacking in ambition? Disrespect for women is symptomatic of refusing to acknowledge their agency, preferring obsequious women, and failing to recognize females exhibiting rationality, drive, ambition, and courage. How can you claim that the best HUMAN traits are MALE traits? Excellence (in character, athletics, and intellectual domains) is the same for men and women.

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      I don’t think I said the best human traits are male traits, in fact, I think I said the opposite. That women have a natural emotional intelligence that most men should admire and appreciate, rather than become frustrated or intimidated by it.

      I’ll look over the article once again, but what I meant and your perception of what I was saying are two utterly different things. Of course women reason and are logical, but, and I’ll actually say this out load and in print, if Socrates said that women and men are the same in nature, I’ll disagree with that. I think that the masculine essence is different from the feminine one. NOT BETTER IN ANY WAY, just different.

      Maybe the best book I’ve read that explains this difference is “the Way of the Superior Man”, http://amzn.to/YMviqR – read that before you judge the title. I’m glad you enjoyed the article, and I can definitely see where you’re coming from with the comment and your stance.

      By the way – great perspective – we need more of this on the site – thanks!

      The part about the best traits being male – wrong.

      The part about me saying that men and women are different – true.

      The part where you say that there are incredibly accomplished women in many “male dominated” fields – true. And this will continue to grow as we see the capabilities of women in leadership roles.

      A woman shouldn’t be critiqued in the work force any differently than a man, nor should she be looked at any differently. But when it comes to the dynamic of a relationship, we’re different. When we realize that, we can move forward with appreciating our differences and growing in that relationship with one another.

  • http://twitter.com/JackieMPearce Jackie Pearce

    While I understand Katie’s point of view, I wouldn’t say this is necessarily what Chad is trying to say. From what I took from this article, he isn’t saying that men should be telling women what to do, he’s saying that they should at least meet the woman in the middle of the decision making process.

    Here is a common problem I have always run into: Let’s say a guy and I are going out on a date. I’m probably exhausted from a long day of work, and trying to decide where to go out turns into a “I don’t know you pick” back and fourth discussion. If I have my heart on a certain restaurant, I would hope he would be on board with that, but if I honestly am not sure where to go, instead of doing the “I don’t know” bullshit run-around, if he was like “Oh, well I’ve heard of this place on 16th that just released some new pasta dish that everyone says is really good” you would probably hear my jaw hit the floor from across the country. That would mean that not only is he a decision maker, but he actually keeps up on current events (which requires a level of ambition, too). I don’t think that Chad is trying to say that men should be like, “We’re going to Outback” without asking her opinion, but he’s saying that men should step up to the plate when someone asks them to make a decision.

    Chad, thank you for such a great article… I hope one day this reaches men across the world. I have heard the “It’s the woman’s fault for being so ambitious” argument so many times, and I’m glad you called bullshit on it. If a man is intimidated because I have a college degree and own my own business, he has a lot of insecurity issues. I also know a lot of women who would KILL to come home after a long work day, have the dishes already be done, and her boyfriend/husband is already cooking steak on the grill and is fixing that table that keeps leaning back and fourth on their patio…. but instead I’d say at least 85% of my women friends come home to their boyfriend/husband and their dirty house while he plays video games until 2 in the morning. It barely has anything to do with money, status, or looks (women who pursue that don’t bring much to the table, either) and everything to do with the ambition in their day to day life. Thanks again, Chad.

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      You get it! Thanks Jackie. Great perspective you’ve added here, along with Katie’s.

      Ya I didn’t mean to say that a man should make every decision in the relationship, but simply that a lot of men today make NO DECISIONS. They’re lazy. They don’t care about taking charge or taking the lead in ANYTHING. It’s depressing!

  • Gail

    Hi, Chad –

    You wrote, “How then, can a boy become a man if he doesn’t know what a man truly is? With the exodus of fathers from their families, and the lack of real men who become dad’s, comes yet another generation with no real comprehension of what manhood really means.”

    How indescribably sad this is.
    I remember the first time I consciously thought about the emasculation of American men. I was seeing a TV ad about some fast-food joint, and a guy was going through the drive-through. He orders a sandwich and then “an order of curly fries”. I suddenly thought, do men feel like horse’s asses when they say “curly fries”? Even worse, do they NOT? Can you imagine Clint Eastwood under any circumstances uttering the phrase “curly fries”?
    I have since thought about and observed men a lot in this regard, and it is heartbreaking. How must it feel, to have your very essence as a man so eroded and hemmed about that you don’t feel free to even function as yourself? And perhaps not even know why?
    Chad, many thanks for writing this strong in-your-face essay. It needs to go viral. I have followed your blog for awhile, and I admire it very much. As a woman, I truly believe you are in a position to give a vital message, a vital gift, to the world, a message that it badly needs to hear. It would be a priceless contribution.

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      Gail, thanks so much! And great point.

      It’s almost like we’ve been willingly beaten down by life and by different aspects of the evolution of society. I say willingly because it doesn’t have to be so, but many men have lost their “umph”, their drive, their ambition. It IS SAD.

      I really appreciate the kind word as well. Means a lot. And thanks for following the site – and also contributing.

    • Cindy

      As a sociologist with a soft spot for this issue, the weakening of many of the behaviours and values associated with what it traditionally meant to be a man (and who has never seen the commercial you speak of), I had to jump in to respectfully disagree that something as trite as the shape of a french fry could have any bearing on a man’s masculinity.

      A strong, tough, fit, proud, capable, honorable, virtuous “manly” man with grit can still roll up to the window of a drive through, in a Prius, and order himself some curly fries (if, of course, its his weekly cheat meal), on his way to buy ballet slippers for his kid, moisturizer for his face, and a bunch of tulips for his own damn dining room table.

      He’ll give the old lady the parking spot, hold the door for the mom with the stroller, buy that shit with his own money because financial health is alpha.

      I think masculinity is about strength – of character, of body, of mind. Feeling threatened by a french fry is not masculine. Worrying someone`s going to think you`re weak `cause you care about the environment, appreciate beauty, and want to look good, is not masculine. Do what you have got to do with honor, treat your body like a temple, choose to surround yourself with people who inspire you and do you justice. Love your family, love your planet, and yourself. Be true. Say what you mean and do what you know to be right. Challenge yourself. Live up to your own ideals and then blow past them – limits are mostly imaginary. Masculinity, a dying art, I think is enjoying a revival. Lets honor that in how we recognize and reward it.

      • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

        WELL SAID!!
        Masculinity isn’t a show for others to see and respect. It’s internal. It’s an internal strength, courage, passion that is lacking from our modern male. Video games and laziness, is replacing the man who has the grit to work 3 jobs to support his family. He doesn’t do it for show – clearly. He also isn’t lost, but he’s fading.

  • privatehelp01

    then how does one acheive assertiveness and take charge in the way you’re describing.

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      That’s a topic for another article altogether. One that I’ll gladly write in the near future.

      But for starters, it’s a conscious thing. It requires practice to the point where it becomes habitual. With myself, when I saw that I needed to become more assertive, I had to keep it at the front of my mind.

      What does it look like?

      KNOW WHAT YOU WANT, AND GO GET IT! Most guys – actually, most people – don’t have a clue what they want. How the hell can we be more assertive if we don’t even know what we want to be assertive about?

      • privatehelp01

        could you when write your article on how to be assertive add how to be assertive with women as i have trouble in that area and how do you find out what you want to do in life and one more thing is this what they mean by being a dominat man by being assertive?

      • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

        For sure, I’ll put that on the to do list, great idea.

  • http://www.jdiperformance.com/ Jesse Irizarry

    “We should be rewarding those who are courageous enough to extend themselves beyond what they currently have the ability to accomplish. That’s growth.” – love that, Chad. Thanks for posting.

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      Thanks man!

  • Spence

    Hell yeah brother! This is one great article. This article gave me more thoughts and points of interest than I could write here, otherwise it would be as long as this article itself.

    But, this article did want me to share a bit of a story. Firstly, me and my brother have been blessed to have been raised by strong parents. There is no doubt that my father is a real man, and my mother compliments him well. She tries to change him in the ways that matter more than his style or being in touch with his feminine side. She tries to change his views in terms of being healthier, or pushing him to try to advance in his job. This, and much more is the type of thing I have grown up with. It’s why everyone at work calls me a old school, or an old soul guy, but it’s also that I am a real man, or at least I am doing my damnedest to become one.

    This leads me to my story. There is a young boy that I know, being raised by a single mom. His mom and my mom are friends – that’s how I know the boy. He has been raised with and around women for most of his young life, but as a result, well, as you can imagine, he is becoming already the shell of what will be an emasculated man. I decided to try to put some sort of male/fatherly influence in his life because I feel very sorry for him. As a result, he is actually emulating me now – wearing cowboy boots, learning guitar, and even carrying a small pocket knife on him.

    Even though I am not related to him in any way, I want to help him because he has no other real male influences in his life. The types of things you write about have actually helped me in trying to teach him things. As long as I can, I will take it upon myself to help him. So, I guess I should thank you because some of the things you write about I try to teach him.

    One other thing, before I even got to the part of technology making people lazy, I started thinking about it because I believe that technology does make people lazy, at least certain types of it anyway.

    • http://ldssofhandbook.blogspot.com/ Mr. T

      Dude…you are a stud. Getting outside yourself and helping that boy is about the best thing you can do.

      Keep it up brother!!!

      • Spence

        Thanks man, appreciate it.

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      Great story man. That’s very cool how you’ve implanted yourself in this kid’s life. He’ll be better for it. And the relationship your parents have sounds very similar to my own. Both of our Mom’s try and improve our Dad’s where it matters, not in the trivial things in life that so many cling to and place an odd amount of importance on.

      Glad to help out in any way I can.

    • D Man64

      That’s if you let the technology run you. Technology has it’s place, but you can’t rely too heavily on it foresaking your other activities.

  • http://twitter.com/BrentCue Brent Cue

    Awesome stuff man, just sensational and insightful. I hang out for each and every article of your’s and can’t help but think you’ll pull it altogether one day for a best seller.

    Keep up the drive mate!

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      You’re awesome man, thanks for the comments and sharing my stuff – appreciate it!

  • http://twitter.com/C_level_smarts Mike Harris

    Chad, as smart and talented as you are you only point out the symptoms, not the cause, of our sad decline. Male assertiveness, ambition and strength are still very much alive and well. Those are traits with which we’re born however they are becoming increasingly sleepy and even dormant in middle age and younger men. Why? Because the cultural message is that these traits are no longer needed.

    Yes, some women may say they want traits like these but the overwhelming messages from the culture are:

    1. You’re not needed for conception.

    2. You’re not needed for protection, food or shelter.

    3. You’re not needed to raise children.

    4. You’re violent, abusive, emotionally unavailable, et al.

    A man’s built-in instinct to protect, father and provide will long outlive our brief time in history. But if the instinct is squashed day in and day out a man will come to believe, falsely, that there’s no way of fulfilling the instinct. Thus it will simply be redirected elsewhere including even more alienation and self-centeredness.

    We can train and self-motivate all we want but that’s not going to change the fact that we’re told we’re not wanted. We live in a rapidly decaying society that needs strong, focused, caring men now more than any other time in history. But as long as the cultural message keeps saying ‘men suck’ it will remain a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      Great thought Mike, thanks for that.

      And I agree with you. It’s very intuitive to see that we’re being told we’re no longer needed in those areas – but I don’t think we’re completely lost. In fact, the majority will say we ARE needed for conception and to raise children (most would agree that a two parent, happy home is better than a one parent home).

      The more I talk to people – especially women – on a one-to-one basis, they want this strong, masculine figure in their lives. They want a protector and a provider – that doesn’t mean that they can’t protect and provide for themselves, but an emotional protector, a sense of stability in an unstable world.

      The causes you raise are very interesting. They’re very BIG as well. Instead of focusing on the whole of society, I choose to focus on individuals.

      Instead of taking the top down approach, I’ve chosen to go from the bottom up by giving a clearer definition for what it means to be a good – Legendary – man. Then to give some of the tools to help us get there. If we have stronger men, it won’t matter as much what society is telling us.

    • Cristian

      I agree. We can identify the illness, find the remedy within ourselves as men and fathers, but we have no playfield anymore. Strong and ambitious, just and proud men are set aside: the society does not want them to lead anything ( some others may learn something and wake up and blossom into fine males )
      They say the society goes as its women go… take a look around! The message is clear: NO REAL MEN ALLOWED!
      Still we have to go on beeing ourselves for the sake of truth!

      Greetings from around…

      • Shivendra Sharma

        I’m in total agreement with this! We are taught to be the real man! And yet, where is all that appreciation? All we hear for being strong and assertive is the message ‘He is abusive, he is all shit and all that’! Why are we not respected? Why do women who are actually attracted to these strong, fearless men, are actually carried over to that spineless nice guy in the end and the real man is left alone?

        Its not just the emasculation of men but women are taught or conditioned to marry the spineless guy, who would be ‘nice’ and to avoid that strong, ambitious, assertive man only because ‘he can hurt you’ though he might have no such intention!

        Still, in spite of all this bad values being taught I’ll still be a real man! Not just to attract women but to become an anchor of society, someone who led people to greatness and gave up his own life to protect his people, men like Leonidas & Alexander, those selfless warriors who who’ve been admired for a thousand years! The end!

      • LJ

        Google jezebel spirit

      • D Man64

        Just googled jezebel spirit, bookmarked it on my phone.
        I could count the amount of people I know with those traits on multiple hands, thanks.

      • D Man64

        Sounds like being real men is the new underground.

    • jobardu

      Actually it is a double whammy. Not only are men told that they aren’t needed and nothing is expected of them, they aren’t allowed to develop independent lives of their own. It is difficult for a man to be a father since the rules are set up for women to control parenting and reproduction. In divorce the woman gets the children and resources the husband might have to start another family (probably with a woman from outside our domain of family so-called law).

      Part of this plays out in young men who see family responsibility as a losing game since their female partners can dismiss them on a moments notice and keep them in indentured servitude for decades. It is definitely an intimidating environment and was almost certainly designed to be so.

      What these policies really do is loosen the ties that traditionally bound men to their societies (family, children, a feeling that society needs their contributions and loyalty and respect that the rules were fair etc). One possible reason our bankers are so irresponsible and evade the law is that they have been raised to think that they are “born to be rotten” and that “it doesn’t matter”, so why shouldn’t they get away with all they can and not care about what happens. I think this type of attitude is toxic and worthy of damnation, yet there is a logic behind its emergence.

      What’s worse, these trends are continuing and becoming part of the collective unconscious in the country. The next couple of elections will be more significant for the countries’ future than most people think.

    • LJ Maxwell

      Mike Harris I have a simple “manly” solution for your assessment. Tell society to shove it.
      You want to make excuses, and give me reasons why it’s not a good idea to be manly. I think those are valid reasons, but that doesn’t mean you crawl back into your momma’s arms with your tail between your legs. LIFE IS NOT FAIR. You will always be met with adversity. Name one man that exemplifies this ‘manly persona’ that had it easy….the answer is none. Decide to keep going when others say stop, when people say it’s impossible don’t stop, and when people say, “Why do you try so hard?” You tell them, “I’m doing this for me! I don’t care about anything other than the satisfaction of accomplishing my goal.” That dear sir is the essence of man. You also say society doesn’t want real men. A man shouldn’t need society’s acceptance. He gets acceptance from his beliefs, and himself. If the acceptance of society is crucial in a man’s life then he should make his own.

    • nancy

      I really like Chad’s article.
      I graduated in 1981. At that time men knew they could have sex and then walk away from the child. Women were objects. Same as it continues today.
      I watched my Dad disrepect my mother and his marriage as he chased other women.
      As a woman of the 80s, I wanted marriage and a family but found that men couldn’t be trusted. I think what I didn’t realize is that many men that I saw were actually immature boys.
      Regardless of my misunderstanding, this shaped how I saw the world and the message I got was men were undependable, horny and couldn’t be trusted thus, I knew that I had to be able to take care of myself and the children that I wanted to have.
      The common saying at the time was boys will be boys and I still hear that message today.
      I am now divorced after a 25 year marraige where my ex husband constantly whined about being emasuclated. He was never assertive, preferred to cave to avoid any type of disagreement, there was never any problems in our marriage resolved only swept under the rug until they eventually created so much resentment between us that we had to move apart. Facing versus avoiding. When one is always caving, running, how can one feel strong, assertive, adultish?
      I believe that my ex husband emasculated himself. As a woman I knew I had to develop myself and set about reading, getting mentors, staying physically fit, etc to achieve and to become a better person than I was at 18 – all that this article talks about. In contrast, my ex stayed his 12 year old self and held onto his idealogoy he gained from Leave it to Beaver. When I didn’t behave per his belief system I was emascuating, when I outperformed him I was emasculating him, when I didn’t agree with him I was emasculating him.
      Growing up takes effort and a focus and if we don’t do it we stay defensive and watch other’s outperform us and they manage to get through the rough patches of life easier.
      We need to get past the notion boys will be boys and help them to grow up and choose to develop into the man that they want to be and will be more proud being. In most contexts where it is said boys will be boys it is when a boy has had poor behavior and we just sigh and accept it thus he suffers no consequences from this childish behavior hence no reason to grow up to be a man. Unfortunately, we are seeing a steady stream of ill behaving girls as well. Won’t be long before we will be saying girls will be girls and just shrugging off their poor behavior. Then we will have a new topic to write on.
      It also appears that our world has embraced the notion that cheating, the lazy way out, etc is more cunning and smart and only stupid people take the harder more difficult route. I am glad that Chad pointed out the harder, less traveled route is better for the mind, body, and soul. You won’t hear people complaining about feeling emasculated after having taken the more difficult route. Many times nobody has to defeat us, we defeat ourself.
      Great article Chad. Good advice for both genders in successfully navigating life with a passion and a purpose. Live life intentionally.

      • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

        Great write up. Appreciate it Nancy.

      • Nancy

        BTW – We had 3 girls. We divorced when the last two were in high school. Now my middle child is living at home finishing up her college and I am working deligently on many things to help her grow up versus allow her to continue to behave in childish ways. Many times it is a very tense situations as selffishness, laziness breeds defensiveness and it is not fun addressing. However, I want my children to be adults not immature 50 year old women and I am willing to travel that hard road with them by making them accountable. Being divorced from a man that was immature was more than a blessing than I could have ever imagined as it was taking my ability away to parent our children – too much effort was needed to deal with his issues and beliefs and his revenge when he felt emaculated. Your children can not grow up when you have parents that are not grown up.
        I see a lot of messages here discussing how the divorce system seems to favor women. While I know there are extreme cases out there where one or the other have gotten really screwed, in the vast majority of cases the judgement is reasonable fair although men don’t want to see it that way. Who doesn’t get tired of the car payment at the 48th month and wonder if it was worth 60 payments? Indentured servant? Who wants to see their wealth halved? This is emotional whining and an unreasonable expectations that once divorced everything is how I want it because isn’t that why people divorce anyway? The child moves away with the mother, and now you don’t see your kid. Hmmmm, I moved 3 times for my ex, had to quite my job and start over. If your children are important to you, move and meet your true inner self goals versus whine. Eventually your children will move way from you – now what? More whine? I don’t think anyone feels they win in a divorce. My ex always felt like he had to win at everything otherwise he was emasculated. Divorce doesnt produce any winners. He divorced me – I’m very happy, he is bitter and emasculated – so regardless some people are going to feel this way despite things geing fair and unfortunately they are shaping the minds of our young people with their whine and bitterness. Some people will always feel they lost.

    • Winky

      as a woman who divorced her husband and brought her children up on her own…while earning the money to do so, I would like to add a point here.
      What we need is a man who will protect and provide…that is all I ever wanted!
      What we do NOT need is someone who needs his ego stroked every 5 minutes because he has done what he should be doing any way, or a person who makes a mess of everything he is asked to do so that it is easier to do it yourself.
      As I am sure you can imagine, I could go on…I won’t, it would be humiliating for all parties.
      Please Men…don’t ever think you are obsolete, just be ‘Men’.
      And ‘Mothers’…be aware of what you are creating!!

      • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

        WELL SAID. I’m going to share this on the fan page.

  • Lowie

    Chad, you have hit the nail on the head. Men today are so confussed about what it is to be a real man. Advertising, social expectations and lack of real role models is causing this to happen. Become the a man, be legandary and the rest will fall into place.

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      Well said man!

  • Lilly Burns-Macallan

    Editor for hire. A fan of good men who step up to be accountable for who they are and what they do in the world.

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      I may take you up on that Lilly – thanks!

  • Danno

    Good article. Rather than going on about how good the article was, I think we should all focus on application. I think most of us guys read this article and thought to himself “(person’s name here) needs to read this article”. Well, if everyone took care of themselves, we wouldn’t have this mess. For me personally, I try and do the difficult thing every time, that is what my dad modeled for me. When I was younger I used to think that a manly beard or an awesome truck was the culmination of manliness (they aren’t). Manliness is making the hard decision. Taking the long road. Every time.

    Another random thought. I came across a funny picture that had a guy bowed in prayers saying “I wish I was a jerk so that all of the girls would like me”, funny but true. I then thought about why it is so true. I think its true because a girl wants a guy who is assertive, like you said. Obliviously jerky guys are assertive, so even though these types of guys display the worst form of assertiveness, they still attract women. Interesting thought.

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      Well said man, and interesting thought at the end there indeed. I think you’re right about that. But we don’t have to be a prick to be assertive. It’s funny how ladies gravitate to the jerk’s.

    • Dylan Peterson

      I have to disagree with the “jerks are assertive” line. Jerks are aggressive, which is a negative quality used by people to mask their insecurity. Jerks are insecure, and make up for it by slamming any shred of “expertise” or knowledge into your face over and over again in order to make you think that they are assertive. Think about it, if a dumbass shouts something true (or allegedly true) over and over again isn’t he still a dumbass?

      Aggressiveness is seen as assertive because of the glorified children we see on TV every day that stand on their soapboxes pontificating the most inglorious nonsense heard since the Inquisition, but in reality it is just over-compensation for insecurity and low self-esteem.

      • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

        I don’t think aggressiveness HAS to be associated with assertiveness. It clearly can, but it doesn’t need to me, especially in this case.

        Assertiveness is purposefulness of action. You know what you want and you have to confidence to speak up or act up. If you’re not assertive, you’re not confident in your ideas, who you are, where you’re going etc…

        We NEED assertiveness to be at our best. To forge our own path in life, and not to be swayed by everything that can, and will, pull us away from the men that we are and can be.

  • Pete Tansley

    Epic article Chad! You have really nailed your message here, and it’s really well written.

    I’ve never thought of porn like that before. I mean, I’ve been kind of neutral on the subject up until now, despite never getting into it myself. I can now see you make some VALID points about it and yeah, what real dude wouldn’t rather be with an actual girl?

    What are your thoughts on the hormonal changes, i.e. drop in Test over the past 1-2 generations??

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      They have to be taken into consideration for sure.

      Even from birth we’re placed in plastic incubators – at our most vulnerable stage of life – that give off phyto-estrogens. I’m not sure how we can test the effects of this on men from a behavioral standpoint – does it lead to more effeminate men, less assertive men? I’m not sure.

      I’m not saying, again, that estrogen leads to less ambition or assertiveness – I’m really not saying that (in women, that is). But in an atmosphere where we’re supposed to have certain levels of testosterone – like the male body – when those are lowered, does that change us behaviorally? Possibly.

  • Jennifer

    Love it. Personally I know that I am my best self when I’m able to relax and relish a mans care and concern in the best way he can give it which is being a leader. That doesnt mean I plan to agree with everything a man says or automatically go along with it but it does mean I’m gonna appreciate him for all his masculine qualities and expect to be cherished for my feminine ways. I say bring it on!

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      Jennifer, I love it!

      You get what I was getting at, thanks. I don’t mean for a man to be domineering or controlling, but just to be a damn man. To have some assertiveness, passion, ambition, and to not be a lapdog!

    • Ryan Atwood

      finally, a real woman and not a feminist.

  • gurprataap

    Chad…a strong bro hug fr writing this 1nce in a lifetime post x))

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      Really appreciate it man, thank YOU!

  • Andrew Peters

    class! This is one of the only online blogs that I subscribe to, keep up the high quality articles chad.

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      Thanks man! Really appreciate you always commenting and being a part of the tribe we’re building here.

  • http://www.feelingoodfeelingreat.com/ Stevie P

    Awesome post, Chad. There’s so many quotables in here. I love your point about understanding emotions, without being overly emotional. I believe that creates the masculine balance we need. It’s like in Eastern philosophy, be aware of your thoughts without being attached to them. Thanks for writing this! I feel like I’m going to refer back to it a few times.

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      Thanks man – I like that you took that aspect from the post, it’s an important aspect to what I wrote that I thought might get a bit overlooked.

  • Israel

    That we have to write articles about the topic and that they are popular is proof that it’s happening and men are looking for a return to a better way.. It wouldn’t surprise me if some of the readers were women.

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      Ya man very true. This is a growing focus and topic for a reason. Good point.

  • Missy

    i like your article. I am a woman. I want to fortify masculinity in the 21st century. A new mentally, spiritually, and physically powerful man. He is all man but an evolved one: A more grounded and wholesome masculine of the past. He is strong. He know hows to quiet his mind to strengthen his insight. He emotions are not parted from masculinity he feels them and uses what he feels as information for choice and growth not a surge for impulse or reaction. He realizes that everything he says, does, and touches is a reflection of himself and what he values. He understands this is a reflection of his ownership of his life and what he values.

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      Hey Missy thanks for this, love it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/drydenmeints Dryden Thomas Meints

    Okay, so some of these qualities that you list are positive. But by doing this in the context of something men should emulate, do you realize that you are insinuating that women should be the opposite? The way that you write this makes you sound like an androcentrist pig, honestly. Men should be ambitious, aggressive, logical, and women should sit back, watch, and admire, while we graciously (and condescendingly) give occasional nods to their special “feminine skills” and “overemotionalism.” There is a problem in our society with laziness, lack of ambition, and lowered standards. But this is NOT restricted to men. It is societal. Your definition of masculinity is the product of thousands of years of patriarchy and would have us regress through centuries of progress towards egalitarian practices.

    If you want to find a mixed-up mess of an individual, find a man who has been pressured by these beliefs to conform to a patriarchal society and puts on layers of armor to mask his insecurities, doubts, and emotions. That’s how a person gets complexes.

    And by the way, do some research before you choose images. The Spartans practiced jerk circles and homosexual intercourse to bond and increase their synergy. Somehow, I doubt this fits your primordial definition of what it is to be a man.

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      Alright pal, a couple things… (and read the whole comment).

      1. Men and women are different. We’re not the same. I didn’t say that a woman can’t be assertive and ambitious, but that many men are being domesticated and tamed, and in the process lose their assertiveness and ambition. This doesn’t come from men one day realizing that they’ve lost it, but from women asking where the fuck have all the assertive, strong, masculine men gone. It’s okay to say that men and women are different, that doesn’t mean you’re a misogynistic pig, holy crap that enrages me! When people draw a line between the masculine and the feminine, they’re labelled as such. It isn’t so! We’re different. Relax.

      It’s as if we can’t take a stand on anything anymore without walking on egg shells. Well, egg shells be dammed, men and women are different. The masculine energy and the feminine energy are different. It doesn’t come from thousands of years of patriarchy (although that obviously has had far too many negative effects), it just is. We are different.

      This article is for us, men, to strengthen us, give us strength, or at the very least make us aware of how we’re being tamed, domesticated, and emasculated. Do you actually not agree that the state of the modern man is a bit scary?

      From the time we enter the school system we’re placed in an environment – in some cases, not all – where we’re told to, and shown, how to act in a way that isn’t us. We’re tamed almost immediately. When we enter marriage a women may fall in love with our wild side or our dangerous side, but she immediately starts to tame us, then she wonders where all of the passion as gone (and please don’t take that as me blaming women, we – as in fathers – are the greatest culprits for this loss of masculinity…. But I’ll save that for another article).

      2. The Spartans were one of the greatest warrior societies in our history. Just because I admire their rites of passage, doesn’t mean I think we should kill all physically imperfect babies – as they did – or live in a socialistic/communistic society – as they did.

      Any evidence to back that disgusting nonsense up by the way?

      The lesson:

      Read the article and take its core message, you don’t have to dissect every single thing that you find wrong with it, because, as it’s clear, there are a lot of people who gained something from this article as well.

      Other than that, thanks for the comment, honestly, other than that circle jerking nonsense, it was nice to read a different perspective.

      • http://www.facebook.com/drydenmeints Dryden Thomas Meints

        Alright, that’s fine to contextualize that in an article written for men, we can talk about increasing assertiveness and ambition without including women. That’s fair. But if a man has strong emotions or sensitivity, that shouldn’t be seen as weakness. The man who is comfortable enough within himself to express his feelings in a healthy manner–not deny them in favor of more ‘masculine,’ ‘logical,’ thought– should be the ideal towards which we strive.

        The fact is that even though there are biological and physiological differences between men and women, not all men or all women are the same as each other. You may have, in your own life, felt forced into a mold that was “less masculine” than you are. Many men feel this same way, but I would venture to say that more men in our culture actually feel the opposite. The US scores higher than all countries except for Japan on the masculinity scale, which means that our levels of ambition, competitiveness, and sense of “status” are much higher than average. This is reflected in media everywhere, for example, in the movie 300, where highly unrealistic (and obviously somewhat historically inaccurate) masculinity is portrayed.

        The point that I really want to get to is that all societies are a molding process, and few individuals will fit cleanly into that mold. To some effect (though our perspectives are different), I believe we might be trying to say the same thing: that being who you were meant to be, despite the confines of how a society may treat you, is the most admirable path. The only point on which I disagree with you is that all men must follow the same sort of path to lead an admirable life.

        And that “disgusting nonsense” is actually a relatively well-known fact: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexuality_in_the_militaries_of_ancient_Greece

      • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

        Hey, I don’t have the time to get into this again, but your points are better today, well done.
        We disagree, fundamentally, on a number of things – and that’s fine. I don’t think that to be a man you have to push down your emotions (far from it). But I do think that every man has a yearning to be a little wild, a bit more competition, to get out in the great outdoors, to be stronger – and to grow stronger. But a lot of us are being sedated and emasculated and domesticated by the structure of our society and where its headed.

        We stop boys from being boys at a young age, then wonder where all the men have gone. And if you deny that people are yearning – or at least wondering where the masculinity has gone, you’re off. It’s missing. We don’t need to compare ourselves to other societies, I think it’s a worldwide thing, not just a western issue.

        But thanks!

        I do appreciate you taking the time to get in the conversation – that’s what makes a site like this come alive. Which is also why an article with some controversy can be a good thing – if it starts a conversation about an important topic.

      • http://www.facebook.com/drydenmeints Dryden Thomas Meints

        Cool, thanks for being willing to discuss, even though we do fundamentally disagree. It’s easy to just try to ignore opinions that differ from your own.

      • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

        I agree, it is easier. But when we start doing that we stop learning. I appreciate you taking the time as well. Great to have multiple voices on here, I love this community/site/tribe.

      • Ryan Atwood

        don’t listen to the dumb feminist chad, that’s probably her sick homo fantasy and she probably takes it up the ass and has been for a long time and can’t stand strong, brave men. Your article definitely is a hit as it ha pissed off dumb feminist pigs and inspired men to be stronger and more courageous. Feminists cannot stand masculine, brave men who are assertive and don;t take shit. They want to emascualte men and are a disease………

      • D Man64

        The only ones who can help men get out of that rut is themselves.

      • PeachyMushroom

        omg, it like SERIOUSLY kills me to see men lamenting about their emasculation…like…whyyyy???? you don’t have to listen to anything that the media or society says just revel in your natural, God-given manliness and just flip the rest of the world off!! Idk…kind of depressing to hear men themselves lose their spirit…are girls like me doomed then? to be forever surrounded by emasculated men? NOOOO! so…I think we should all celebrate an international day of men and all things male, masculine, mansome, and manlicious! <3 don't let some female sticks in the mud bring you down! dunnnn dooo iiiiit!!!!!!!!

      • D Man64

        We have to compliment each other.

    • Ryan Atwood

      another feminist weakling pretending to be male.

  • Lance Howell

    Great article Chad! I’d love to hear your thoughts on the over masculine men and if you feel that’s as big a problem as the emasculation of men. You know the guys I’m talking about. The ones who get defensive/insulting(ed) during a disagreement, or the guy who is so insecure with not being the project manager that he’s worthless?

    John Adams referred to the ambition of Thomas Jefferson as one of his greatest weaknesses. Before I read about Adams’ thoughts on ambition, I didn’t know ambition could be a weakness. Maybe you could work up an article on that or just let me know your initial thoughts. Or maybe you already have an article about that!

    I enjoy reading your stuff man, keep it up. Thanks!

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      GREAT POINT!
      Being a masculine male is an internal thing, and a personal thing. It isn’t in things you do, but your motivations for doing them. This deserves an article.

  • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

    Where did I say you had to be loud and be a sports nut? I think you got it wrong – very wrong. That’s a stereotypical male, one who, actually, is often hiding uncertainties and fears by being louder and more boisterous. Not the assertiveness I was talking about.

    Read ANY article on here about how to treat women, and you’ll see that there are rules in how to treat them. There are rules of etiquette etc… Please read the article over again. Thanks for the comment though, I just think you missed it.

  • Greg Grierson Jr.

    Chad, I enjoyed the psychological aspect you bring to the table of life. I’d like to recommend a book I have read numerous times learning new ways to execute my everyday life. Frog INTO Princes by John Grinder and Richard Bandler. It is a book comprised of seminar case studies on people, men and women, and how they communicate with one another. This book focuses more on Non Verbal communication. This is the reason i recommend this book to you. I feel that the interest and passion you have in male assertiveness may be pushed to a higher echelon of confidence once you read this book.

    6 weeks in, Love the PHC program man. Nice work

    Greg.

    • Chantell

      Great article, Chad! As a woman, this hits home for me. I am a “strong, independent, own-my-own-business” kind of woman, but was really feeling something was desperately missing in my marriage for years. I could say the things I wanted that were missing, but could never completely put my finger on the “whole” of what it was. A counselor we talked to recommended a book called “No More Mr. Nice Guy” by Robert Glover to my husband. I read the book too and was blown away. It nailed what I was feeling was going on and what my husband felt personally. It’s all about the emasculation of men and how to reclaim masculinity. A friend of mine told me I should read a book called “The Surrendered Wife” by Laura Doyle. Most women get hung up by the title, but don’t judge it til you’ve read it. Even though a woman may be strong, decisive and fully capable in many areas, we still like to have a strong, capable, honorable, masculine man to come home to. We don’t just mean stature either – strength and masculinity are even more mental and emotional than physical I believe. On the female side, I think too many women confuse femininity with weakness, when those are far from interchangeable terms…any woman who has given birth should know that.

      I agree that there has been a major emasculation of men in the last few generations. Most men are raised by women (at-home mom or daycare provider), then taught by women (far more female school teachers and Sunday school teachers than male) during their most formative years. Boys don’t spend time with their dads learning how to be men (usually while out working the fields or something similar) like they did prior to the Industrial Era. Women have used their own perceptions and emotional point of reference in shaping the recent generations of men (not trying to bash my own gender, but I believe this to be true) when men are really CREATED to have different perceptions and emotional points of reference than women.

      Great job bringing this topic to more and more people. I’m hoping there is a rising of courageous, masculine men who aren’t afraid to be leaders in their community and family, be honorable with their actions, and live life as a MAN.

      • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

        WELL SAID. Great perspective, thanks for writing this. I think there is a rise, but at the same time a decline. There are a select few taking up that challenge to raise strong men, by many more who are oblivious to the emasculation. Great comment.

  • Ryan Atwood

    Great article again Chad. I agree with Mike Harris as well. But definitely not with the feminist ellison below spewing her feminist b.s. Feminists are the reasons many men feel let down and not needed and guilty when there’s nothing to feel guilty about. Every man on the face of this earth except for a few great men should read this article. This is the TRUTH and many men today have become weak and lazy and have low self esteem and are anything but warriors. So please read this guys and the other articles here like ‘alpha male’ and you can learn what is needed to become a man and don’t listen to dumb feminist bitches and deceptive women.

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      Thanks man – Mike made a great point below.
      I want women to be our equals in the workplace etc… and they’re not treated as such yet, but the whole feminist has gone too damn far. We’re being blamed for being ambitious men. We’re being persecuted, and having things taken from us that have no right being taken from us – it’s a joke.

    • D Man64

      Just let the feminists be themselves. There are more than enough women out there to focus on one group.
      Like, Bruce Lee said, absorb what is useful, discard that which isn’t.

  • Noah

    Chad, great article. Just remember this is a North American audience. There are still many parts of the world manliness is alive and well. It would be worth your while to spend some in Eastern Europe where many of these traditions and beliefs are still widely held. All the best.

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      Hey Noah, great idea. I have a number of friends from Eastern Europe, however, and the emasculation has hit everywhere in my mind. Maybe not in the physical sense as much over there, but a shift in values, morals, and an over-doing of the view of masculinity to cover up the feeling that men worldwide are having.

      It might not be as widespread in Europe – it’s pretty bad in NA – but it’s everywhere.

  • Chantell

    Great article, Chad! As a woman, this hits home for me. I am a “strong, independent, own-my-own-business” kind of woman, but was really feeling something was desperately missing in my marriage for years. I could say the things I wanted that were missing, but could never completely put my finger on the “whole” of what it was. A counselor we talked to recommended a book called “No More Mr. Nice Guy” by Robert Glover to my husband. I read the book too and was blown away. It nailed what I was feeling was going on and what my husband felt personally. It’s all about the emasculation of men and how to reclaim masculinity. A friend of mine told me I should read a book called “The Surrendered Wife” by Laura Doyle. Most women get hung up by the title, but don’t judge it til you’ve read it. Even though a woman may be strong, decisive and fully capable in many areas, we still like to have a strong, capable, honorable, masculine man to come home to. We don’t just mean stature either – strength and masculinity are even more mental and emotional than physical I believe. On the female side, I think too many women confuse femininity with weakness, when those are far from interchangeable terms…any woman who has given birth should know that.

    I agree that there has been a major emasculation of men in the last few generations. Most men are raised by women (at-home mom or daycare provider), then taught by women (far more female school teachers and Sunday school teachers than male) during their most formative years. Boys don’t spend time with their dads learning how to be men (usually while out working the fields or something similar) like they did prior to the Industrial Era. Women have used their own perceptions and emotional point of reference in shaping the recent generations of men (not trying to bash my own gender, but I believe this to be true) when men are really CREATED to have different perceptions and emotional points of reference than women.

    Great job bringing this topic to more and more people. I’m hoping there is a rising of courageous, masculine men who aren’t afraid to be leaders in their community and family, be honorable with their actions, and live life as a MAN.

  • Mike

    That was a great article and gave me a charge inside. I have read similar ideas about being a man, but you really put it together and made me prioritize my thought and actions. Thank you.
    -Mike

  • http://platinumworldwiderealty.com/ joeatsea

    Chad, I am very glad to see a young man like you take on such a challenge. It seems like a forgotten, old fashioned concept. I did it. I broke out of the mold in the same manner you describe. I was a scrawny, skinny, weak child but I knew I could be more. I devoted large portions of my time in my youth to reading and learning, to finding my own path to the mental and physical transformation I was seeking. In my case I found that martial arts helped me find the discipline and later proper diet and a bodybuilding regime helped me transform my body. Later in life, I continued to challenge myself to face and overcome my fears, to grow mentally, spiritually, and in business. I truly believe I have developed a life according to my own design, of course as you mentioned, recognizing those who contributed with guidance, training and advice. I am over 50 now and glad to say I am in better physical condition that most of men at my age and at the top of my game in my business as well. But that in no way means I am resting on my laurels. I strive to continue learning, becoming a better man, for my wife and children who depend on me and for whom I constantly strive to set an example, for the team of professionals and clients who depend on me for leadership, and for myself. To that end, I was motivated to sign up and see what I can learn from you. And again I hope that this note helps you as validation. Your beliefs are, in my humble opinion, wise and true. Time will tell if our culture will ultimately realize the eminent social collapse that is inevitable (as history has proven) when men cease to behave like men, but I sincerely hope that you and many more like you will champion your cause. After all, the worst thing we could do is sit here and talk about this issue instead of doing something about it as you are, that would make us victims instead of victors.

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      Great comment, great story too. Thanks for telling us about that Joe. And thanks for taking the time to write it. I, like you, hope that site like this help turn things around as well, and it seems like we’re on the right track here, lot’s of guys are improving daily, and growing stronger in ways beyond the physical, it’s awesome to see.

  • shivendra

    Why we need to become an alpha male? Because our kids, if not our wives would give us respect as being the perfect father. There is no option for a man to become an alpha! Its what nature has endowed us with.

    What would a man do if his family was lost in the jungle full of predators? There is no other alternative than to become a beast only to protect the family! That is how this planet still survives or we humans might have become extinct long ago! Even in this modern era, if my beloved wife or my mother are lost or is threatened by someone, I’ll have to act on it there is no alternative to that! Or become an idiot and lose all trust, respect and attraction :P

  • jobardu

    You are blaming the victims and have the whole story ass-backwards. A few numbers should indicate the issue.

    1 Women file for 85 percent of divorces
    2. Women get custody of the children 95 % of the time, and said custody pretty much eliminates a man’s role as a parent
    3. The states spend on the order of $10 billion on “alimony and child support services” to seize money from from men,no matter how much their ex wives are interfering with their relationships with the children. These cowboy officers have criminal prosecuting powers if they choose to use them. No staff or personnel are assigned to prosecuting women who interfere with male parenting

    4. In surveys over the past twenty years around 90% of men who have been through a divorce/family law proceeding state that they felt disrespected and treated unfairly. The numbers for women are less than half of that, and their complaint is that they expected to get more money. Don’t take my word for it , just go online to Med-line or go to a family law court and note who is pounding on walls and who is smiling.

    5. A policeman in Chicago gave me this quote- “Department policy states we will get to a house and issue a temporary (read permanent) restraining order within 20 minutes or the pizza is free”. This is a serious threat since a restraining order shows up on your permanent police record and is used against you in job searches or security clearances. Also, the odds are also around 10:1 that a conflict with your ex will end up with you being blamed no matter who started or provoked it.

    6.The weak position of their fathers is a horrible example for young men, and they internalize that they are not respected by society
    7. PC liberalism teaches that girls are queen bees and boys are incipient predators that need to be controlled. Education doesn’t encourage young men to excel. The results bear that out. US students now rank 29 out of 31 in academic achievement amongst developed countries.

    8. Fathers are disrespected and disaffirmed in the mainstream media, the entertainment world , the schools and the courts. This fathers day, after complaints, the Washington post had a backhanded compliment to fathers in the form of an article which said, in effect, my father was a jerk by, for all his faults and weaknesses I still love the guy. Men in the media are either sexual predators of adolescent helpless jerks,
    9. Most of society has abandoned merit and talent in favor of quotas and blaming the descendents of ancestors who played by the rules of their time. There is no way a white person is innocent in today’s environment. Argument goes by snarky put downs and racial, gender and religious slanders. I thought I got past that in Junior high school but instead it permeates society.

    So, yes, men want to parent their children,but the politically correct and feminist media, academia and entertainment industry deliberately makes them look bad. Older men have a basis for blowing this off, but young men are emasculated by this.

    So please excuse me if I respond to your exhortations to just man up and act like a man with an enthusiastic one fingered salute. We need instead to wrest control of the boys that we sire from the emasculators and nurse them back to health, and their are good grounds for doing so.

    After thirty years of feminist social policy, boys are doing horribly and much worse then they are doing in other countries and than they did a generation or two ago.. As a result young boys should be assigned custody in a divorce with their fathers by default, and separate girls and boys schools need to be established. Then your plans will make sense. Otherwise the politically correct liberals who run schools, the media and entertainment have too big a financial and power stake in the status quo that they won’t change even if you convince them you are right -something they will never publicly admit .

    9.

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      Great points, and I agree. I touch on society in the article, it’s not just a call to action but a call to awareness. The way the system is set up is to indoctrinate us IN TO becoming emasculated men. We need to change that, and my stance on changing that is changing the fathers and the men themselves so they can think for themselves as they go through school and enter the work for and have all of these forces pulling them, trying to stomp their masculinity down.

      Great comment. Great points.

      • jobardu

        Thanks a lot Mr. Howse. I appreciate the kind words. Hopefully if we all pull together we can make some progress. As the old saying goes, all it takes for the forces of evil in the world to win is for enough good men to do nothing.
        By the way, I loved your recent fitness series.

  • gurprataap

    hey chad…u should write a badass post on how to deal with the femininst culture…check out joe rogans vids for that…’ joe rogan owns a feminist and all of that ‘..

    how do we deal with these mascualine women…or over femininst’we hate men and dont need them’ type

  • Jose Venegas

    ” क्लैब्यं मा स्म गमः पार्थ नैतत्त्वय्युपपद्यते । क्षुद्रं हृदयदौर्बल्यं त्यक्त्वोत्तिष्ठ परंतप॥
    Translation: Do not yield to unmanliness, O son of Prithâ. It does not become you. Shake off this base faint-heartedness and arise, O scorcher of enemies! (2.3) “

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      Fucking love it.

  • Esteban Améstegui Lavayén

    Chad, this is the best article I ever read on the Internet… you should write a book about real manliness! I will buy it!
    Dude you have to know Joshua Pellicer! he’s a daiting coach who teach how to improve our daiting life by recovering our gender role!

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      Appreciate it man! I’ll look him up for sure.

  • jerry

    Your topics have some national socialist undertones, fyi.

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      keep on reading different articles, you’ll find that my politics are the furthest thing from socialism. I’m an ardent capitalist.

  • notyranny

    The Emasculation of Men is no accident. It is a well orchestrated plan initiated before most of you were born. History becomes Legend and Legend becomes Myth and those things that should not be forgotten are lost. This last quote was borrowed from the opening scene in Lord of the Rings and it is appropriate for this discussion. I am not a young man any longer but I come from the last Age of Men before this Movement started dismantling our strong male culture. I have been blessed with children (Son & Daughter) at a late age and seek hope that some young men will arise as Real Men in this world to turn the tide and take back this country before it is too late. Young Mr. Howse, it is apparent to me that you have pulled back the curtain, seen through the matrix and are at the brink of the truth. This truth will not be pleasant. Propoganda is an ugly thing when used for destruction and has done its evil work in America. You will be attacked if you continue your work. You are dangerous to these “destroyers” who are just about to finally reach their goal. The last thing they need is a growing community of strong warriors who know them for what they are. It doesn’t take many to turn the tide, I can tell you were moved by the movie “The 300″. The story of this movie is more relevant than most may know. Who am I? Just a father who wants a better world for his children, but a father who has been around and seen more than most. Study history, know your government, know the tactics of those that want to control you. Know that what you read and see is no longer news and entertainment but propaganda and revisionist history. Trust no one and be prepared to say to those that will come for you MOLON LABE.

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      GREAT thoughts, appreciate it. We need more guys like you on this site for sure. Many thanks, and an interesting warning, saving this comment.

    • D Man64

      As long as there are thoughts and discussions on this matter, this is not a lost cause.

      • notyranny

        The Weak greatly outnumber the Strong. But one Strong man is worth a hundred Weak ones.

  • D Man64

    Hey, Chad, how’s evrything going? My problem is when you sacrifice your time to be with a woman and help her with her children and she treats you like a child and you can’t do anything and her children take you for a joke.
    Then you only deal with her family and she will not have anything to do with yours, but tries to alienate you from your family and friends.

  • Jam

    Bravo Chad, I prefer Alpha-Male! I see many excuses by men here, but the degradation and demasculinization came from man’s only laziness and abusiveness. A true alpha male sees this. It began during WW2, and hasn’t stopped. Woman realized during this war that they could do everything their man could at the job, and business realized they did it better in certain areas. Profitable for them to give woman a lesser wage. When the men came home from the war, many were mentally damaged and drunks that abused their wives. Some worked, and many didn’t. A woman maintained her factory job and still maintained her womanly duties at house of cooking, cleaning, ironing, preparing all the meals, helping the kids with homework and sending them to bed. A woman’s job was never 9-5 and in complete rest afterwards like man today.For some men this was a dream and they enjoyed having a less demanding lifestyle(Laziness). Now it has become woman’s burden. She soon figured out that she no longer needed a lazy and abusive bum(since she’s doing all the work) and divorce became a trend! Don’t blame woman that man is easy to mate with and leave because they started it. Men stopped getting married (makes woman not want to stay with someone not as committed to the unit) and I’m sure they can find an excuse for that too. Alpha male makes no excuse.

    I look at my son’s and how they’ve been demasculinized and I blame their lazy fathers. A woman trying to teach a man to be a man is nearly impossible, but we try…Man has quit all together or with excuses! See them whine and blame woman, when woman just took on their job because they got lazy and made excuses. My son wants his wife to work, pay half the bills, and still do her womanly duties to husband and child. Ridiculous and Lazy. Being a man doesn’t end when you get off the clock of your job. woman’s doesn’t either. I’m assuming that Chad is on the road to making men worthy….even Legendary. I applaud you and LJ Maxwell for the no excuses approach. It is truly alpha and if it is catchy…Divorce will decline and Man will rise. Chad has it right….Woman want a MAN, not the passive absent bitches they are becoming.

  • fuck u

    more bullshit shaming tactics

  • Smith

    I am 53 years old, father of three, married 28 years, never cheated on my wife, a multimillionaire, played high school football, boxed in the Golden Gloves in high school, payed my way through college 100%, currently moutain bike at places like Moab with a group of guys my age and older (over the years we have broken arms, fingers, ribs and received countless stitches), currently a P90X addict. You get the picture of the kind of man I am. This current America is not the America I grew up in, but thank God I live in Texas where being a man is not only acceptable but expected. My message to young men is you better ignore trends and buck it up and if you didn’t have a good male figure in your life then take it upon on yourself to figure out what a real man is, AND BE ONE! NO MORE PATHETIC EXCUSES! I would start with the Bible. Read heroic stories about WWII veterans. Ignore most of the “sports heroes” of this generation. Read Kathleen Parker’s book “Save the Males, Why Men Matter, Why Women Should Care.” Also, stay away from ingredients in anti-bacterial soap – triclocarban and triclosan (incidentally it is in most toothpaste – you have to do your homework guys), they imitate testosterone in your body and actually cause your body to produce less testosterone, thus causing low testosterone. Have you ever asked yourself why we see so many Low T and ED commercials today? I am just passing on the same advice I give to my sons who are growing up in this world where so many men on TV are portrayed as baffoons and men are constantly portrayed as irresponsible idiots. Reading blogs like this is a good start and thanks Chad for your work. However, get a good editor, you don’t want to be written off and not taken seriously due to grammatical errors and mis-spellings.

    • http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/ Chad Howse

      Great points on all counts. Well said. Editor has been added to the team. Need to go back and re-edit older articles like this, seeing the importance of that now. Appreciate it.

  • Reneeka Williams

    Men, the whole which accompanies them from provider to protector has been under assault for a very long time… It saddens me because I think most men are cowards. I am in no means trying to male bash. Most men I encountered lack: Courage. Conscience. Commitment. Character. And Honor. They are “men” by anatomy but not definition. They lack the basic understanding of what it means to be a man. A man is unique and special by design. He’s the protector and provider. Yes, I can do these things but his role is very different than mine. I am his help mate, he is the captain, chief in command. I am part of his strength, he is the rock. I am a strong woman. I was taught by a righteous woman. Yet, I know how to willingly, faithful, and generously differ to my man. I know how to come under his authority, yet, it seem most men are clueless when it comes to their roles and responsibilities. It’s painful to know so few men are dependable. I understand my role, to affirm and appreciate him, to know he fights for me (our family) daily, to hold him in highest esteem, respect, and be the healing to his bones when he fought with the world and comes home. I know when to pick him up, root for him, stand back, I know when to encourage him, love him, sex him up. I know when to stand and tell him “you’re all the man I need”. I know he must lead and take command. I want him to do all these things. I want to feel secure and protect. I want him to take control. Yet, it seems I’m overlooked because he can’t or won’t be a man. Real men are needed more than every! Men teach boys how to be men. A woman can try but she can’t raise a man. Boys need and crave male influence. A woman needs a man, dad, mate to help the boy make his journey from boyhood to manhood. I can only hope (for all our sakes) more “boys” masquerading as men will take their RIGHTFUL place as the head not the tail. A woman lead by a real man, with the right intentions and motivations willingly falls in line/tune with her man. Women know the difference between a man and boy. A warrior and coward. A dependable honest man and an abandoner. This is part of our DNA. We know when you’ll protect us or desert us. We know, we’ve just allowed you men to get away with less. As a strong, loving, devoted woman, I know my worth and REFUSE to take less. If he can’t come correct, he can’t even approach me! Women please please start demanding he be a man, nothing else will do. Chad thank you for this article!!!